Category: Mind-Body Health

Anxiety Counseling Services Depression Individual Counseling Mental Health Mind-Body Health PTSD Stress Trauma Traumas • • By Sawayer 0 Comments

Male Sex Abuse Survivors

The following article on Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse, is from Fredonia.edu, and provides information about the sexual assault of men and the resources available to survivors. julie.bezek@fredonia.edu

Male Survivors

Many people believe that sexual assault is only committed by men against women. While the majority of sexual assaults victims are women, the CDC and Department of Justice estimate that about 3% of American men â€” or 1 in 33 â€” have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. The following provides information about the sexual assault of men and the resources available to survivors. There are is also information for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Understanding sexual assault of men 
Who can be a perpetrator of male sexual assault 
What are some of the feelings male survivor may experience? 
What should I do if I was sexually assaulted? 
How can I help a male friend who has been sexually assaulted or sexually abused in the past? 
Childhood Sexual Abuse 
Additional Resources for Male Survivors (website, articles, books)

Understanding sexual assault of men

Many people don’t take sexual assault of men seriously. This is one of the reasons why men have a difficult time reporting what happened and why the rates of male sexual assault are thought to be significantly under-reported. If a survivor’s friends think that male sexual assault is a joke, he will feel isolated and afraid to tell anyone. Sexual assault is a painful, traumatic experience for any victim.

Sexual assault is any unwanted or forced sexual contact. It can be committed by the use of threats or force or when someone takes advantage of circumstances that render a person incapable of giving consent, such as intoxication. Sexual assault of men can include unwanted touching, fondling, or groping of a male’s body including the penis, scrotum or buttocks. Rape is any kind of sexual assault that involves forced oral or anal sex, including any amount of penetration of the anus or mouth with a body part or any other object.

Sexual assault happens to men.

It is only a myth in our society that men are not sexually assaulted, or that they are only sexually assaulted in prisons. In fact, 9% of all rape victims outside of criminal institutions are male (U.S. Department of Justice, 1994). It is important to note, however, that very few studies have been done to document the sexual abuse or sexual assault of males. Furthermore, it is estimated that male survivors report sexual assault and abuse even less frequently than female survivors, and so it is difficult to make an accurate estimate of the number of men and boys who are being assaulted and abused.

Male survivors have many of the same reactions to sexual assault that women do.

For both male and female survivors, anger, anxiety, fear, confusion, self-blame, shame, depression, and even suicidal thoughts are all common reactions for someone who has experienced a sexual assault. Men, however, are more likely than women to initially respond with anger, or to try to minimize the importance or severity of the assault. Male survivors are also more likely to experience substance abuse to try to cope with the assault. Additionally, a survivor of a male-on-male rape may question his sexuality, or how others perceive his sexuality.

Ideas in our society prevent male survivors from speaking out about sexual assault.

Because of how men are socialized and expected to behave in our society, a male survivor of sexual assault may feel as if he is not a “real man” Because men are often expected to always be ready for sex and to be the aggressors in sexual relationships, it may be difficult for a man to tell people that he has been sexually assaulted. Also, there are some beliefs that male survivors, especially if abused as a child, will go on to become offenders themselves. This stigma may negatively impact a male survivor’s social experiences, and it may also lead male survivors to avoid disclosure.

Homophobia causes men who have experienced a male-on-male rape to fear telling their stories.

If the perpetrator is a man, the survivor may fear being labeled gay by those he tells of the assault. He may even question his own sexuality, especially if he experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault. If the survivor identifies as gay, and in the process of coming out, he may question how others perceive his sexual orientation. He may also fear that he will have to disclose his sexual orientation if he tells others about the assault. Homophobia stereotypes may affect a man’s decision to disclose. For example, the stereotype that gay men are promiscuous can lead people to believe the encounter was consensual. Also, because of these stereotypes, some people may think that they recklessly place themselves in situations to be assaulted, resulting in victim-blaming attitudes.

Who can be a perpetrator of male sexual assault?

Anyone, regardless of gender or gender identity, can sexually assault a man. However, most sexual assaults against men are committed by other men, who actually identify themselves as heterosexual. It’s important not to jump to the conclusion that man-against-man sexual assault only happens between men who are gay. Sexual assault is not about sexual desire or sexual orientation; it’s about violence, control, and humiliation.

What are some of the feelings a male survivor may experience?

Any survivor of sexual assault may experience the following feelings, but male survivors may experience these feelings in a different way:

Guilt — as though he is somehow at fault for not preventing the assault because our society promotes the misconception that men should be able to protect themselves at all times.

Shame — as though being assaulted makes him “dirty,” “weak,” or less of a “real man.”

Fear — that he may be blamed, judged, laughed at, or not believed.

Denial — because it is upsetting, he may try not to think about it or talk about it; he may try to hide from his feelings behind alcohol, drugs, and other self-destructive habits.

Anger — about what happened; this anger may sometimes be misdirected and generalized to target people who remind him of the perpetrator.

Sadness — feeling depressed, worthless, powerless; withdrawing from friends, family, and usual activities; some victims even consider suicide.

If a man became sexually aroused, had an erection, or ejaculated during the sexual assault, he may not believe that he was raped. These are involuntary physiological reactions. They do not mean that the person wanted to be sexually assaulted, or that they enjoyed the traumatic experience. Just as with women, a sexual response does not mean there was consent.

The experience of sexual assault may affect gay and heterosexual men differently. It is important to remember that the sexual assault did not occur because they are gay. Heterosexual men often begin to question their sexual identity and are more disturbed by the sexual aspect of the assault than any violence involved.

What should I do if I was assaulted?

Please click here for more information on reouces avaulable for sexual assault survivior and please click here for information how to report sexual violence.  

How can I help a male friend who has been sexually assaulted or sexually abused in the past?

  • Take it seriously.
  • Ask him what you can do to support him.
  • Let him know that it was not his fault.
  • Let him know he is not alone.
  • Find out about resources that are sensitive to male victims and let him know his options.
  • Tell him that help is available and encourage him to call a rape crisis hotline.
  • Don’t pressure him to do certain things. He needs to know that he has choices and that you support him.

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Counseling can be an integral part of recovery from a childhood sexual abuse. We encourage survivors to contact the Counseling Center at 716-673-3424. Services are free and confidential. They are located in LoGrasso Hall and are open M-F 8:30 am – 5:00 pm. The Resources section has specific listings for childhood sexual abuse survivors.

Coaching Coaching Services Mental Health Mind-Body Health Time Management • • • By Sawayer 0 Comments

Time Management

Why Worry About Time and Its Management?

Why We Juggle Time Poorly

If you feel as though you are always having to juggle time to do what is expected of you, then learning better time management can help you master time instead of time mastering you!

As an Expert Level Time Management Coach, and someone who has manage organizations of different sizes, I have learned a great deal about how we view this thing called time.

In Ecclesiastes 3 and Chapters 1-22, there is an oft quoted scripture about time.  I reference it here, not as a advocate of any doctrine, but because it tells us that the problem of time has been discussed for a very long time and this particular scripture, gives us a perspective on time and how priorities in life often determine how we use time.  

https://biblia.com/bible/esv/ecclesiastes/3/1-22

Time as a unique phenomenological structure created by the human mind’s ability to segment reality into distinct quantifiable units is not found outside of humans. As such, the mind as difficulty releasing its focus away from timed events and simply entering into a state of mind-less consciousness that feels as though boundaries have vanished.

This sensation or lack of time experience is extremely difficult to maintain for any length of time. The natural response is an experience of becoming disoriented and experiencing anxiety.

Perhaps, underlying this anxiety is another unique aspect of being human that is found inside our unique brains. The neurological structure of the brain and the mind that is contained within it, can only vicariously experience death through the witnessing of anthers’ death.

From this witnessing of the “end of another’s time”, we gain the concepts of beginning and end, past and future, as well as start and finish. Those concepts are entrenched in all languages of the world.

Time, as reflected in a watch or clock is observed to exist externally and visually, However, physicists have argued that time has no reality to it!

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Black Lives Matter First Responder George Floyd Law Enforcement Mental Health Mind-Body Health Pandemic Policing Suicide Prevention Trauma Traumas Videos youtube • • • By Sawayer 0 Comments

Law Enforcement At A Crossroads of Change

 

Law Enforcement At A Crossroads of Change

Writing about culture change in policing within today’s challenging environment is no easy task. Due to the implications of culture change within policing agencies in today’s confrontational environment, I have tried to keep focused on what I believe are the prominent internal cultural challenges that law enforcement agencies across the country face today.

While I will specifically address the issue of police culture, we must always remember, that the larger societal culture, which itself, is composed of other “sub-cultures” also factor into the how police culture is formed and operates today. Any attempts to modify police culture MUST also acknowledge the values and beliefs that dominate the general culture. It is that general culture where legislatures on both the state and federal level “operationalize” the values of their communities.

An example of this would be the larger societies values and beliefs regarding justice, race, poverty, crime, and so on. These are the base values that go into laws and laws are a base value in culture and more specifically in police cultures.

So first I have to say that I am offering this perspective only from my personal experiences, without offering references to hard research. I am a long-time law enforcement, corrections and mental health professional, with a career that began in the 1980’s. I also a Master Peace Officer, Mental Health Peace Officer, Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Train the Trainer for the Blue Courage Program and I believe strongly in Community Policing and Restorative Justice. But perhaps my biggest credential is my heart for the profession of law enforcement.

That said, I certainly welcome any dialogue on this issue here at Sawayer Logistics at sawayer.com. So here is my pitch.

Most change within institutionalized settings is unfortunately reactive, as opposed to proactive. This is especially true when in comes to organizational change. The recent violence in America, has once again forced police agencies to reflect on how much or little they should change. Police agencies, by their structure are resistant and slow to change. Some reasons for this are because they are conservative and are accountable to political bodies within the communities they serve. We often hear the adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”. But what exactly is broke and where is broke found?

The George Floyd death would certainly indicate that the four police officers involved were broken in terms of both their actions and inaction that lead to Floyd’s murder. We need to ask ourselves if cops can be murderers and that is very distasteful question to even ask. On its’ face, such thoughts seem to fly in the face of what we as professional peace keepers are mandated to do….Serve and Protect.

Since the Floyd issue is far from an isolated event, it may be time to look for answers about who we serve, how we serve, and why we serve. While minorities are over-represented in such tragic encounters with law enforcement, we tend to focus on race relations when addressing the question of what to do. I would suggest that we all, somewhere in our guts, understand that no new or improved trainings, policies, and procedures will have any lasting effect unless we change our current policing culture and the values within that culture.

Cultures are funny animals. They are often created slowly, over decades. They often take decades to change because by their very nature, they are conservative entities. Changing police culture is substantially more challenging than implementing new policies, procedures and trainings. While there are studies on police cultures, there are not many that specifically provide a “how to” paradigm. All of the literature points to the high level of resistance to police culture change from both within the ranks and from police administrators. It’s a tough mountain to climb.

The recent events in our cities and the degree of national and world attention to those events are pushing us up that mountain. If we are to reach the top, we must see the value of making the climb, even after the voices for change become quiet. We must change police culture because we are professionals bearing some of the strongest and most respected job responsibilities in society. So was there an identifiable starting point that contributed to today’s police culture? Let me suggest that was such a point.  I will also suggest that we have some available tools to help get to a new beginning.

Since Americas trauma and the resulting transformation, law enforcement has been exposed to a new wrinkle within its’ culture. “Para-Militarization” has invaded the cop culture with a vengeance. The war and the warrior mentality, along with almost free military equipment, from helicopters to transports and Humvees, are standard fare in most agencies today.

At the time of 9-11, nothing seemed to out of bounds in our flight to protect the homeland from foreign terrorists. The intent was to never again be the unaware victim. Americans faced new security procedures at their airports and at their banks.

The less obvious change in procedures was occurring in law enforcement agencies, which historically had some type of command and control infrastructure. As a result, the transition to a more militarized culture was somewhat familiar territory. The availability of the military equipment merely solidified that cultural transition.

I remember training’s that I attended, where we were told that we were the “Sheepdogs”, protecting the vulnerable “Sheep” from the terrorist predators. Ironically, the trainings focus was on school violence. This new mantra ultimately was reflected in the idea that we were now the new para-military heroes, deployed to Americas streets in our surplus military equipment and attire, to kick some serious ass.

Somewhere and somehow this new mindset morphed into a permanent part of the police culture in such a way that it became the antithesis of community policing. With foreign enemies largely destroyed on American and foreign soil, the new cop culture with all of its surplus military equipment, seemed like a dog without any cats.

The implementation and deployment of special units know as SWAT teams began to play a central part in departments across the land. In the process, the officers participating in those units began to gain a great deal of cultural influence and the mindset within policing went from “we are part of the community”, to the “community are dumb sheep and we are superior sheepdogs”, to “them vs. us”.

Now to be clear, historically, law enforcement had its’ “suspects” some of which included those who were clearly “not us”.  Foreigners, minorities, the poor, the mentally ill, and the law violators living in our communities.  There was a growing institutionalized prejudice within the policing culture, that, until the last 20 years, wasn’t even discussed in training academies. There were no Humvees or tactical units in most departments back then.  

With the 9-11 terrorists extinguished, the old familiar, “not us” groups became the new “bad guys” or to put in another way, the “them”.  Agency leadership in departments could not resist the offer of getting surplus military equipment to supplement their fleets.  Most departments had few dollars to spare for such costly equipment. It would take little effort to move toward creating SWAT tactical teams to utilize the new armada.

No one objected, not the city councils, not the county commissioners, not the state governors, not the congress, and not even members of the local communities. Without open discussion regarding why and how this para-militarization was happening, the parameters of its’ implementation and its’ goals, the cultural change went underground and out of sight.

The new police culture was now one that had the capacity for aggression and tactical interventions. Community policing, where officers were in personal contact with the man on the street for most departments stopped. Contacts with the public became formal and impersonal. It was now, “them vs. us”.

The cop, sitting in the standard issue patrol car holding the para-military, aggressive mindset doesn’t need a Humvee to feel his power over others anymore.  The “Sheepdog” has now lost it’s protective instinct toward the sheep. There are good sheep and bad sheep…white sheep and black sheep.

Body cameras, which became possible and practical to issue because of technology, were supposed to protect cops and community members alike. Instead they were often resented by line officers as just another piece of “squealer” technology that carried yet another set of policies and procedures that had to be followed.  In actuality, these cameras often have served a preventative function when seen as an officer protection.

So what does all of this imply for changing police interactions with the communities they serve? 

I contend that the violence on American streets will not be solved by just better training alone because the training will not overtake the current police culture. Instead, there has to be more open contact and communication at the “street officer” level with the common and every day community members they serve. 

There needs to be not just more tactical trainings but also a focus on officer mental and spiritual well being.  It’s the only way to stop the “them vs. us” mentality that justified para-military interventions. Yes, we can have working groups and task forces, but the real change is at the street level by empowered cops who have the right mindset and the right heart for the profession and are rewarded for that as opposed to being shamed for it!

The most effective equipment has to be controlled by the heart first and the mind second, which then controls the body. For those of us who are authorized under very limited conditions, to take a life, the heart must be right.

Policies and procedures and trainings don’t change the heart. Open conversations and regular contact with the communities we serve as “street level cops” however does help tremendously.

It’s that contact that can either foster paranoia and hate or goodwill, especially when it involves being in touch with the “them”.

It will take time. Maybe we need to just go ahead and start painting those Humvees in pastels colors now!!

The Blue Courage training program for law enforcement officers and the perspective that it offers on community justice and community policing, should be a critical component of most law enforcement training.  It and similar programs are what is needed now, more than new rules or new procedures or new training, you must change the heart in order to have positive community contact, which takes…well…Blue Courage! 

The BlueCourage.com webpage is full of great articles and other offerings for LEOs (Law Enforcement Officers).