Category: Depression
Male Sex Abuse Survivors
The following article on Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse, is from Fredonia.edu, and provides information about the sexual assault of men and the resources available to survivors. julie.bezek@fredonia.edu
Male Survivors
Many people believe that sexual assault is only committed by men against women. While the majority of sexual assaults victims are women, the CDC and Department of Justice estimate that about 3% of American men â or 1 in 33 â have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. The following provides information about the sexual assault of men and the resources available to survivors. There are is also information for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
Understanding sexual assault of men
Who can be a perpetrator of male sexual assault
What are some of the feelings male survivor may experience?
What should I do if I was sexually assaulted?
How can I help a male friend who has been sexually assaulted or sexually abused in the past?
Childhood Sexual Abuse
Additional Resources for Male Survivors (website, articles, books)
Understanding sexual assault of men
Many people don’t take sexual assault of men seriously. This is one of the reasons why men have a difficult time reporting what happened and why the rates of male sexual assault are thought to be significantly under-reported. If a survivor’s friends think that male sexual assault is a joke, he will feel isolated and afraid to tell anyone. Sexual assault is a painful, traumatic experience for any victim.
Sexual assault is any unwanted or forced sexual contact. It can be committed by the use of threats or force or when someone takes advantage of circumstances that render a person incapable of giving consent, such as intoxication. Sexual assault of men can include unwanted touching, fondling, or groping of a male’s body including the penis, scrotum or buttocks. Rape is any kind of sexual assault that involves forced oral or anal sex, including any amount of penetration of the anus or mouth with a body part or any other object.
Sexual assault happens to men.
It is only a myth in our society that men are not sexually assaulted, or that they are only sexually assaulted in prisons. In fact, 9% of all rape victims outside of criminal institutions are male (U.S. Department of Justice, 1994). It is important to note, however, that very few studies have been done to document the sexual abuse or sexual assault of males. Furthermore, it is estimated that male survivors report sexual assault and abuse even less frequently than female survivors, and so it is difficult to make an accurate estimate of the number of men and boys who are being assaulted and abused.
Male survivors have many of the same reactions to sexual assault that women do.
For both male and female survivors, anger, anxiety, fear, confusion, self-blame, shame, depression, and even suicidal thoughts are all common reactions for someone who has experienced a sexual assault. Men, however, are more likely than women to initially respond with anger, or to try to minimize the importance or severity of the assault. Male survivors are also more likely to experience substance abuse to try to cope with the assault. Additionally, a survivor of a male-on-male rape may question his sexuality, or how others perceive his sexuality.
Ideas in our society prevent male survivors from speaking out about sexual assault.
Because of how men are socialized and expected to behave in our society, a male survivor of sexual assault may feel as if he is not a “real man” Because men are often expected to always be ready for sex and to be the aggressors in sexual relationships, it may be difficult for a man to tell people that he has been sexually assaulted. Also, there are some beliefs that male survivors, especially if abused as a child, will go on to become offenders themselves. This stigma may negatively impact a male survivor’s social experiences, and it may also lead male survivors to avoid disclosure.
Homophobia causes men who have experienced a male-on-male rape to fear telling their stories.
If the perpetrator is a man, the survivor may fear being labeled gay by those he tells of the assault. He may even question his own sexuality, especially if he experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault. If the survivor identifies as gay, and in the process of coming out, he may question how others perceive his sexual orientation. He may also fear that he will have to disclose his sexual orientation if he tells others about the assault. Homophobia stereotypes may affect a manâs decision to disclose. For example, the stereotype that gay men are promiscuous can lead people to believe the encounter was consensual. Also, because of these stereotypes, some people may think that they recklessly place themselves in situations to be assaulted, resulting in victim-blaming attitudes.
Who can be a perpetrator of male sexual assault?
Anyone, regardless of gender or gender identity, can sexually assault a man. However, most sexual assaults against men are committed by other men, who actually identify themselves as heterosexual. It’s important not to jump to the conclusion that man-against-man sexual assault only happens between men who are gay. Sexual assault is not about sexual desire or sexual orientation; it’s about violence, control, and humiliation.
What are some of the feelings a male survivor may experience?
Any survivor of sexual assault may experience the following feelings, but male survivors may experience these feelings in a different way:
Guilt — as though he is somehow at fault for not preventing the assault because our society promotes the misconception that men should be able to protect themselves at all times.
Shame — as though being assaulted makes him “dirty,” “weak,” or less of a “real man.”
Fear — that he may be blamed, judged, laughed at, or not believed.
Denial — because it is upsetting, he may try not to think about it or talk about it; he may try to hide from his feelings behind alcohol, drugs, and other self-destructive habits.
Anger — about what happened; this anger may sometimes be misdirected and generalized to target people who remind him of the perpetrator.
Sadness — feeling depressed, worthless, powerless; withdrawing from friends, family, and usual activities; some victims even consider suicide.
If a man became sexually aroused, had an erection, or ejaculated during the sexual assault, he may not believe that he was raped. These are involuntary physiological reactions. They do not mean that the person wanted to be sexually assaulted, or that they enjoyed the traumatic experience. Just as with women, a sexual response does not mean there was consent.
The experience of sexual assault may affect gay and heterosexual men differently. It is important to remember that the sexual assault did not occur because they are gay. Heterosexual men often begin to question their sexual identity and are more disturbed by the sexual aspect of the assault than any violence involved.
What should I do if I was assaulted?
Please click here for more information on reouces avaulable for sexual assault survivior and please click here for information how to report sexual violence.
How can I help a male friend who has been sexually assaulted or sexually abused in the past?
- Take it seriously.
- Ask him what you can do to support him.
- Let him know that it was not his fault.
- Let him know he is not alone.
- Find out about resources that are sensitive to male victims and let him know his options.
- Tell him that help is available and encourage him to call a rape crisis hotline.
- Don’t pressure him to do certain things. He needs to know that he has choices and that you support him.
Childhood Sexual Abuse
Counseling can be an integral part of recovery from a childhood sexual abuse. We encourage survivors to contact the Counseling Center at 716-673-3424. Services are free and confidential. They are located in LoGrasso Hall and are open M-F 8:30 am – 5:00 pm. The Resources section has specific listings for childhood sexual abuse survivors.
Post Divorce Adjustment
Divorce occurs in approximately 50% of formal marital unions.
Sometimes it happens in the early years of marriage and sometimes it happens after decades. In either case, your pain and confusion from such loss can be devastating.
Legal process, involving adversarial attorneys, depositions, filing, witnesses, testimony, and attorney’s fees can leave you traumatized and usually financially busted.
It’s common to go over the experience repeatedly in your head, long after the divorce is FINAL legally.
Irrespective if you initiated it or your former spouse did. explaining what happened to children, relatives, and co-workers is difficult to say the least.
Divorce can make you feel isolated and rejected while it is occurring and long after it is over. This can lead to difficulties in your daily functioning for quite some time and often involves unexplained anxiety and depression, and even occasional suicidal thoughts, which drains you emotionally and spiritually.
Counseling or Life Coaching in these situations is NOT a luxury, it’s pretty much a necessity. Compared to the costs of paying for lawyers and court hearings because you have no choice, counseling is something you do because you want to.
Divorce is a stigmatizing and draining process, so virtual counseling and coaching to deal with your emotions can be a useful, confidential and convenient process, where you are discussing issues in the privacy of your own space, without interruptions.
As a Professional Counselor and Expert Level Coach, I can offer you solutions that help you to cope so that you can function optimally.
As someone who has personally experienced the trauma related to divorce, you will be talking to someone who really understands the reality you are experiencing. I survived and so can you!
If you are having emotional or physical symptoms that may require you considering prescription medications, I can work with your chosen medical provider, if the need arises.
You don’t need to go through the confusion and pain all by yourself. Find a competent Professional Counselor or Expert Level Life Coach to walk with you toward the future.
8 Things You Should Do When The Divorce Is Final
Veterans Resources
I have worked with Vets from most of the service branches as a therapist in the last four years with much of my contact involved crisis interventions where there were some total melt-downs. The last incident involved a SWAT team deployment. Sometimes, folks tend to over-react when Vets have these melt-downs. Why? Well, not everyone is trained as a military sniper or Special Forces combatant, and that gets some special attention.
Personally, I grew up in a military family and spent a lot of time on Army, Navy and Airforce installations back then.
I experienced first hand the issues that occured when active duty military servicemen return to civilian life as Veterans and have serious re-integration issues.
Because of this professional and personal history of mine, working with Veterans experiencing personal issues is a passion of mine.
That said, I think it’s important to remind ourselves that PTSD is not exclusively a problem that is exclusively found in the Veteran communities. As you migh imagine, PTSD can occur from any numer of life events. The letter “P” stands for POST, the letter “T” stands for TRAUMATIC, the letter “S” stands for STRESS, and the letter “D” stands for DISORDER. You don’t see a V for Veteran because the disorder happens in many situations. Wartime or even deployment is just one paticular situation that Veterans are exposed to.
When military discharge of a person who has a known or even unknown PTSD diagnosis occurs, this greatly complicates the stresses of re-adjustment and re-integration back into civilian live. As you can see, for some Veterans, the reintegration itself can present a lot of adjustment issues. These same issues may serve as “triggers” for either a diagnosed or undiagnosed PTSD condition.
In some cases there may even be a history of being exposed to head trauma while in the military, which if severe enough can create another bad actor, TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury.
I don’t offer the new EMDR intervention for those suffering deep and active troubling symptoms from diagnosed PTSD, I do refer out to individuals who are trained, effective EMDR clinicians.
Again, these types of traumas also not exclusively a only Veterans issue, but it is prevalent among that community.
Other sources of PTSD and TBI can be a result of sexual assault traumas, violent accidents, witnessing some type of violent event, being brutally assaulted. I really hope you get the idea!
In the last two years, I discovered a great resource SPECIFICALLY for Veterans that I want to share.
That resource is the Headspace and Timing webpage of Duane France who has been a leader in the Veterans Mental Health Space. See some information about his current work at: https://www.fcsprings.com/about-us/leadership-staff/duane-france. Duane has graciously agreed to allow me to share these with my readers.
I have attached a link to the site below and within the site is a treasure of blogs, resources AND great podcasts.
You will also see that in addition to being a licensed clinician, Duane is a prolific writer as well.
A very dedicated and profusely productive advocate for Veterans….He Is!
Here is the link to his site…..enjoy exploring!!
Another great website for Veterans and families you will definitely enjoy and find interesting is Veterans MTC. They can be found on both Instagram and Facebook. You can give it a look by clicking their web-page http://veteransmtc.com
Headspace and Timing Podcast Link